I found this post on reddit a few days ago and I thought I'd share it here. It was written by Readmynameandchillax on reddit.comI wasn't going to post anything on here but... Lots of memories stirred up, for good or bad.
I wish I could've married her. I should've married her. We were best friends from the age of six. She was the first girl I ever kissed, although I was practicing to kiss another girl at the time! Never got around to that, she had my heart from that moment on. I was actually the second boy she kissed because I told her my friend David liked her. A dumb attempt to deal with my feelings I guess, or a fear of rejection. She was way too good for me. She later told me she only kissed him to make me jealous. It did the trick! I remember playing in a football match after I saw them together, and even when he didn't have the ball I piled into him! Poor guy.
We watched movies together in all-night marathons, really cheesy stuff that made us both laugh. I can't bear to watch those films now. We used to cycle out in the countryside for hours, just exploring, then got summer jobs at competing seaside attractions, trying to out-sell each other on ice cream and hot dog stands. She always won. Even I preferred to eat at her stand!
She was going to be a doctor, I was going to film school. She was better than me in so many ways. Never quite knew what she saw in me. Even when I was a kid I knew she had been ill on and off for years. Finally she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. She fought like hell and suffer through it too. I never would've been able to put up the fight she did. When she died she was barely able to hold my hand. She was 21 years and 20 days old. It was a month before my 21st birthday. She had said she wanted to be around to see me blow out my candles but she just couldn't hang on any longer. Just before she passed she apologised because she was going to miss my party. I wanted to cry like a baby but I didn't to do so in front of her. Didn't want to burden her. There was nothing else I could do for her.
I did go to film school. I became a screenwriter. And I write about her in every damn story I touch. I know my life would have been different if she'd lived. It's easier to do what you want when it's just you, never have to take anyone else's feelings into account. And I'd never have met the friends I have, who I treasure beyond words.
But I still love her and I think about her every day. It's been more than ten years and I'm still not over her. Sometimes I think it's unfair on the women I date because I go in just knowing they won't measure up to my now impossibly high standards. But I'm an official "good guy" and never hurt anyone if I can help it.
Sometimes I think I'd give the whole universe just to spend one more day with her. She was the best person I ever knew.
I miss her.
Keep in mind I did not write this post. I found it a few days ago on reddit, and it touched me deeply. I was in a similar situation and this post brought back so many memories for me. You can read about my similar story here, or you can see this original post on reddit here.
