Mario Kart Love Song

This guys name is Sam Heart. He wrote an amazing love song for his girlfriend, about Mario Kart. As a musician, an avid gamer, and a guy who enjoys dating, I can really appreciate this video.

How to get the girl (foolproof)

Buy a falconer’s glove.

Approach the girl you like wearing the falconers glove.

Ask her “Excuse me, have you seen a falcon fly by here?”

Look up to the sky, hopeful/sad.

If she says “No,” look distraught and ask her if she wouldn't mind helping you look for your falcon.

No human being would ever turn down an opportunity like this.

Use the time you spend together searching for the falcon to get to know her a little better.

At the end of your search (10 minutes) you will probably need consoling re: the loss of your one true friend.

By this point her interest in you based on the fact that you were able to put so much love and time into the raising of a falcon will more than ensure a second date, and from there it’s just a hop skip and a jump to marriage.

Good luck!

*NOTE: If by chance a falcon does appear out of nowhere, simply say ” (falcon’s name) I’ve missed you so much! Don’t ever scare me like that again!” Then offer to take the girl to dinner for helping you find your lost falcon. Bonus: You just got a free falcon.

(saw this posted on a few months ago, I didn't write it,but I thought I'd share it here.)


I met Rebecca several years ago while I was working as a waiter at a local diner. It was technically my first day on the job, but I've worked at that peculiar restaurant before. Rebecca came in late that evening and was seated in my section. While I was serving her, I naturally flirted with her. I used to flirt with all of my customers, because it increased my tips. Rebecca was one of the customers who flirted back. It was fairly slow that evening, so I eventually sat across from her, and started hitting on her. I could tell right away, that she was into me. We chatted and flirted casually with one another for about an hour, before I had to start doing my closing work. On her way out the door, she mentioned that she'd be at a local bar with few friends, just across the street, and if I got off work before they closed, I should join her. I told her I'd be there.

After I was finished with work, I stopped by that bar for a drink, and also too see if she was there. She held true to her promise and was there waiting for me when I arrived. I could tell she had already had a few drinks, maybe even too many, because she was much more flirty and direct with me. I ordered a drink and joined her, and her friends, at their table. Rebecca was being extra flirtatious with me, she sat very close to me, and was fooling around with me under the table. I had a few drinks with her, and we shared some rather naughty conversation. It was getting close to the bars closing time, so I knew I had to make a move. I eventually offered to take her back to my place after the bar closed, for some "coffee." Before she could respond, one of her friends TOTALLY COCK BLOCKED ME, saying she didn't think it was a good idea for her to go home with someone she just met. I've been in these situations before, and I know only bad things can come from trying to argue. I just smiled and said "that's cool then, can't blame a guy for trying" That seemed to win over her friends, but I still knew Rebecca wanted me. I wrote down my number on a bar napkin, and slipped it to her. I whispered in her ear, "if you wanna meet up later, here's my number." I finished my drink, covered the bar tab for the entire table, and left.

Shortly after I got home, Rebecca called me to thank me for paying the tab for her and her friends. They didn't know I covered the bill until after I left. She asked if I was home already, and I told her I was. She asked where I lived and I explained it was only about a block away from the bar. She asked me for directions, because she really needed to use my restroom. I knew I was set at that point. When she arrived, she immediately went to my restroom. I went to my bedroom, dimmed the lights and put on some music. I was pondering how I was going to get in her pants. After she was finished in my restroom, she came into my bedroom and started kissing me. It was a very direct move on her part, and it took a lot of the guess work out on my end. We kissed for a few minutes before we moved to my actual bed, and she started taking off her clothes. Apparently she only needed a few minutes of foreplay, which is always nice. I eventually put on a condom and positioned myself on top of her. I was going to tease her for a few minutes, but I could tell that wasn't necessary in this case. I thrust myself deep inside of her, and she moaned in pleasure. She was very loud in bed which really turns me on. I got her off several times during the course of our alcohol fueled passion. She screamed every time I made her cum, which always really turns me on, but I'm sure it pissed of my neighbors. Eventually I finished, rolled over on my back, and lit up a smoke. I smiled and thanked her for deciding to stop by. She got up and started getting dressed, saying she needed to leave. I asked her if she was going to be okay to drive, and even offered her the opportunity to stay the night. She told me her babysitter wouldn't appreciate that, and insisted she had to go.

The next day Rebecca called me, wanting to hang out again. I offered to take her to lunch and she accepted. I had her meet me at a really upscale sushi place. Over lunch we chatted, and flirted casually. I really seemed to impress her with my intellect and class, because she kept mentioning it. I could tell she was really into me, from how she spoke to me. I explained to her how I wasn't looking for anything serious, and we should keep our little relationship casual. She agreed, claiming she just got out of a relationship herself with her children's father. We made plans too meet up later that evening, after I got off of work.

She came over later that evening, and everything went pretty much that same as it did the night before. She went to the restroom, came into me room, kissed me, and we had sex. Not much changed except this time we were both sober, and she seemed to be a little louder this time around. Personally, I love when a girl is loud in bed, but I lived in a condo at the time, and I'm sure my neighbors didn't share my enthusiasm. One of them even changed their wifi name to "we can hear you having sex" shortly after I started dating Rebecca, which I thought was hilarious. Eventually, for the sake of my neighbors, I started spending the night at her place, where she was much quieter because her kids were usually sleeping a few rooms away.

Over the course of the next several weeks, Rebecca started demanding more of my free time, and I could tell her kids were starting to get attached to me, as I would often get them gifts when I visited. Things were moving a little fast for me and I told Rebecca how I felt. She didn't respond to it well, but she respected my decision to slow things down a bit. Over the course of the next few weeks, although we did see each other a lot less, Rebecca became increasingly needy. She started borrowing money from me, which I didn't mind that much because I had it to spare, but it seemed to me like she was growing dependent on me. I defiantly felt as if she was looking for a father for her children and something more long term than what she initially led me to believe. Eventually I told her we needed to end our relationship because I couldn't meet the needs she had for herself and her children. She was sad to see me go, but I think she knew all along I wasn't what she was looking for.


I met Tammy a few years ago. There is a local coffee shop where the owner would display local artists on the walls. I don't consider myself much of an art buff, but I noticed one of Tammy's paintings, and it caught my attention. It was an abstract piece, almost like a Salvador Dali or a Picasso. I really liked it, and it was very reasonably priced. At the bottom of the painting, on the frame, there was her name and email address. I sent her an email asking questions about her painting, and for more information. A few days later she responded to my email, asking when I wanted to meet her at the coffee place, and discuss her painting in further detail. I made plans to meet her the following week.

When I finally met Tammy, she wasn't at all what I expected. I imagined her as an older woman, maybe in her forties, quiet, artistic, deep, ect. She turned out to be much younger than I imagined, I guessed maybe seventeen years old, (twenty four, I later found out) and she was a little quirky or nerdy. We talked about the painting for a few minutes before I finally decided to buy it. She gave me her phone number and wanted to set a time for me to visit her place, too look at more of her paintings. I wasn't going to call her, but I really did like her work, plus she was pretty cute. On my way out to my car I noticed she was carrying another painting into the coffee shop, to replace the one I bought. I didn't get a good view of it, but from what I remember seeing, it was another really good piece. I decided to call her and set up an appointment.

A few days later I called Tammy to look at more of her art works. I wasn't planning on buying anything, but I really wanted to see what she had to offer. Plus she was really cute, and I thought maybe I'd try my luck at asking her out if things went smoothly. She agreed to have me over to her place to have a look at what she was selling. When I arrived, Tammy greeted me and invited me in. She was looking very sexy, and I immediately noticed a strong attraction to her. I wasn't sure if she shared that same attraction with me, as she was mostly just trying to sell me paintings, and keeping it strictly business. I ended up buying two more of her paintings. She was very happy to be selling her art works, and mentioned I was her first buyer ever. I told her I was happy to oblige and offered to take her out for drinks sometime to celebrate. She accepted my offer, out of excitement, and we made plans for that following evening.

I met Tammy the following evening at a local  jazz lounge, Jay's Bistro. I noticed she had a new Louis Vuitton purse, probably bought with the money I paid her. I complimented her on her purse, and she seemed impressed by my knowledge of fashion. We ordered a bottle of champagne to celebrate. We had a few glasses, and eventually finished the bottle. Soon after we ordered more drinks, and we were getting good and drunk. By that point I didn't feel as if she was into me, and I wasn't sure why at the time, so I just kept it casual. I could tell she had a few too many, because her speech started too slur and our conversation became  more bolder. She mentioned at some point, that her friend Gary, would absolutely adore me. I was very confused by that. Did she think I was gay? I asked her why she thought that, and she laughed and said "you're gay aren't you?" She mentioned my taste in art, my knowledge of women's handbags, the swanky jazz bar, my nice clothes and peak physical condition. I laughed for about a good five minutes, uncontrollably, and assured her I was straight. She refused to believe me at first, insisting I fit most gay stereotypes. It took a little convincing, but eventually, she believed me. She looked more embarrassed than anyone I've ever seen. We both had a good laugh after that, and that's when I noticed she seemed a lot more interested in me. She asked me "are you single?" I assured her I was, and she said "I can't believe someone like you is single." We talked and flirted with each other for about another hour, before she decided it was late and she needed to head home. I called her a cab, while she was in the restroom, because clearly she wasn't ready to drive. After she came back from the restroom I told her a cab was on the way, and she thanked me. When the cab arrived I walked her out and helped her into it. She kissed me softly on my neck while I did that, and thanked me for being so sweet and understanding. I gave the cab driver a twenty and told him to take her home.

The next day Tammy called me and wanted to apologize for her behavior the night before. I assured her an apology wasn't necessary, but she insisted on it. She mentioned how rude it was for her to make such an assumption of me. I told her it really wasn't a problem and offered to take her out again. She asked if it would be a date, and I told her I was feeling a little demasculinated after my sudden realization that everyone might think I'm gay. I told her I always thought she was cute and mentioned yes it would be a date. After a little hesitation, something about not wanting to get involved with clients, she eventually agreed, and we made plans for the following evening.

I picked her up the following evening, and we set out for dinner and drinks at one of my favorite date spots, The Moot House. She was looking very sexy that evening, wearing a spaghetti strapped shirt and a skirt. I immediately started flirting with her and hitting on her. She responded to my advances with a little flirting of her own. I started feeling a strong sexual tension between us. During the course of our meal I started making more vulgar sexual advances and suggestions, just to see where the line was, and each time I thought I might have crossed it, she responded positively to my crudeness. It's rare to find a girl like that, a girl that likes you so much, they let you get away with just about anything. They will usually do almost anything to please you, but that period of time usually only lasts for so long. Eventually she asked about her paintings. I told her I had them framed and hanging in my living room, and she insisted she wanted to stop by my place after dinner to see it. I knew that was just her way of saying "take me back to your place and make love too me" but I played along anyways.

Soon after dinner we set off for my place, so she could see her paintings. I poured us a few glasses of wine while she examined her art work. She was very impressed with the frames I bought for them, and how they were displayed. We sat on my couch and drank our wine, while we examined her art work and chatted casually. It didn't take long before I made my move, leaning over and kissing her. We kissed for several minutes, before I started exploring her body with my hands, and slowly undressing her. She was a little chatty while I did this and I found that very annoying. I usually try to pay attention to what I'm doing while I'm kissing someone, but she seemed more focused on keeping the conversation rolling. Eventually I made me way up her skirt and started fooling around, thinking maybe that would shut her up, but she was still talking my ear off, making it very hard for me to get in the mood. Try to imagine yourself in my position, you have your fingers inside a cute girl, trying to please her, and she keeps saying stuff like "oh you're good at that" "I bet you do this to all the girls you meet" "I still can't believe I thought you were gay" "I can't believe I'm letting my first customer get this far" It's gets really annoying. It was very hard for me to tell what she liked ,or whether or not if I was even turning her on. I thought maybe she'd stop talking if we were having sex, so I offered to take her into my bedroom. She accepted, and I led her into my room, by the small of her back.

The sex, at first, was no different than the foreplay. She kept talking to me, even while I was inside of her. It was a very unusual experience for me and I really didn't like it. I've had girls talk to me in bed before, but it was usually just short quick instructions like "faster" "deeper" "that hurts" "oh god" "oh daddy" or even "wrong hole" Tammy was more interested in having a full out conversation with me. It made me feel as if I wasn't doing a good job, and I couldn't get her in the mood. It was very hard for me to focus as well. Eventually, out of sheer frustration, I said "shut up and take my cock." That little phrase immediately turned her on, and just after I said that, she started moaning. It took maybe twenty seconds, before I made her cum. She got off several more times over the course of the next fifteen minutes, before I myself finished. I rolled over onto my side and she mentioned my little phrase. She said something about how that turned her on more than she had ever been in her life. She said she loved how I took control and showed her my dominance, and how it really turned her on that I talked so dirty to her. I didn't have the heart to tell her that phrase was actually literal, but at least now I knew what to do in the future.

I dated Tammy for a few weeks. I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious, and she assured me that was fine with her. She seemed mostly interested in sex, which was fine with me. I told her the dirtiest things every time we had sex, and she just loved it. It seemed like the more aggressive I was with her, the more it turned her on. After a few weeks had passed I started hearing less and less from Tammy. It was to be expected, we both knew our sex fueled fling wasn't going anywhere. After a few weeks of dating, we lost contact.

Awesome Proposal

I stumbled across this video a few weeks ago. This guy did an amazing proposal to his girlfriend and I thought I'd share it with you. Although I'm not comfortable with the idea of marriage at this point in my life, I am considering it in my future. I always pictured myself proposing in a somewhat extravagant manor, but I imagine it will be hard for me to top this one.

Fast Forward to 1:30 if you're feeling lazy

This is why I love Halloween.

It's even better than Christmas


I met Janell in in the summer of 2001. I was friends at the time with her brother. He'd come over to my house and we'd hang out and play video games, and many times Janell would drop him off and pick him up. I didn't know her very well at the time but occasionally I would invite her inside, just as a courtesy. She usually declined my offers, but occasionally she would come in and chat for a while. When I first met Janell I never thought I'd end up dating her because she was married and had a child, but I have a very bad habit of flirting with every woman I see, and eventually she started taking to my charm.

She would sometimes hang out in my room with her brother, and we'd chat here and there. She would always complain how her husband was no good. Many times she referred to him as a drug addict and an alcoholic. I never actually met him, therefore I have no opinion of him. Eventually, she told me that he ended up in prison, and was going to be gone for a long time. When she told me this, she said it in a very flirty manor, almost as if she was glad to be single. She started flirting with me even more now that her husband was locked away. I always felt a strong sense of sexual tension between us, and I tried to resist the urge to seduce her, being that she was married, but eventually the attraction between us got the better half of me.

One day she had dropped her brother off to visit and I had everything all set up and waiting for her. I usually had my video game console in my bedroom, where the three of us usually hung out, but this time I moved it into my living room. When she dropped him off I invited her inside to stay a while. She didn't have anything better to do so she accepted my offer. Her brother noticed I moved my console and I told him to play a few games without me so I could chat with his sister. He didn't know what I had planned, so naturally he did what I told him to do. I walked Janell back into my bedroom, and she smiled wryly at me, knowing all along what my intentions were. I thought I was being pretty smooth about it, but she saw through my clever plan. She said something like "I can't believe you set this up just to try and get in my pants." I just played it off, and assured her I just didn't feel like playing video games at the time and only wanted to chat. I also mentioned how she was much older than me, and if we were going to have sex, she was going to have to seduce me. Little did I know at the time, she would take me up on that offer.

I was very young at the time, and I never had a plan backfire on me. She saw through my plan, forcing me to come up with a new approach. I just played it cool for the time being, just to kind of feel things out. We sat on my bed and talked for a few minutes. I was trying to read her body language for signs of sexual interest, but all she was displaying were signs of unrest or boredom. Eventually she said "This is boring are, you going to make a move or not." I had no idea how to respond to that. She made a very direct move, but I thought maybe she was just joking or trying to expose my plan. I smiled cockily, and reminded her that because I was still a teenager and she was almost thirty, she would have to come onto me. She rolled her eyes at me, said "you're so immature," and she leaned over and kissed me.

She pushed me onto my back and continued kissing me. Before that time I'd never had a woman be so forward with me. She was on top of me, which gave me very little room to work my magic, but she seemed to have everything under control. We kissed passionately for several minutes, and during that time she started removing her clothes as well as mine. Eventually she got both of our pants off and started grinding the shaft of my manhood, while she kissed me. This really turned me on. Eventually, after she had gotten herself off a few times, she asked me if I had a condom. I grabbed one off of my nightstand and I put it on. I went to roll her over, but she instead pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me. She was very talented at being on top, and before I met her, no other girl could get me off while they were on top of me. I just laid back and enjoyed the "ride," while she furiously worked her hips back and forth. She got off several more times, and struggled to keep quiet, because her little brother was in the next room.  Eventually she wore herself off and told me to climb on top and finish. I wanted to get her off one more time, but I knew eventually her brother would notice us still missing and come looking for us, so I finished promptly. I rolled over and laid next to her and we both caught our breaths. I lit us up a few smokes and we laid there for a few more minutes chatting. She warned me never to tell her brother, and I assured her I never would.  Eventually we got dressed and walked out as if nothing had happened.

The next day Janell came over, and she didn't bring her brother with her. I knew right away that this was a booty call, and I gave her what she wanted. Once again she climbed on top of me and I noticed she preferred to be on top. She was much louder this time, as we didn't have a need to be quiet, and that always turns me on. After it was all over she mentioned something about how she could get used to this, and reminded me not to tell her brother about our little affair. If he found out we slept together, nothing would stop that information from getting to her husband. I have to admit, the danger involved made our sex fueled relationship, so much hotter.

A few days after that, the house I was living in at the time caught fire and almost completely burned down. I didn't have anywhere to go. When Janelle found out she convinced her brother to convince their parents to let me stay with them. When their parents learned of my dire situation they agreed to let me stay with them, until I could get back on my feet. They arranged for me to stay in Janelle's brothers room. Janelle was also staying there, while her husband was in prison, because she also had no where else to go. Janelle's room was just down the hall from where I was staying. Despite the fact that we could get caught at any time, we still continued our steamy romance. We had sex about two to three times a day, and almost got caught on several occasions. The risk factor involved made it so much hotter.

Eventually I saved enough money to get my own place, and I moved out. It was across town and I didn't have a chance to visit Janelle very often. I saw her, maybe twice, that following month. We still had great sex but the thrill of getting caught was virtually gone. I was interested in a few other girls at the time, and I have a feeling that Janelle had some of her own priorities to straighten out. We eventually lost contact, but we both knew from the start, that our steamy romance was just a fling, and nothing more.


I met Crystal while attending high school several years ago. I don't really remember anything about her from that time. She was a freshmen and I was what you would call a super senior. Not that long ago she tracked me down on Facebook and sent me a friends request. I had no idea who she was, but she looked familiar so I accepted it. I went through all of her pictures on Facebook and knew I knew her from somewhere, but I had no idea how I knew her. I gave up in frustration and sent her a message asking her who she was and how I knew her. She mentioned how we went to school together. I still didn't remember her very well, but at least now I knew roughly who she was.

Over the course of the next few weeks she posted a lot of crap on Facebook. It was hard to ignore her posts, as they were posted so frequently. Eventually I started reading them, out of boredom and curiosity. From what I could tell from reading her posts, she was a pretty typical girl, talkative, friendly, family oriented, sociable, ect... However I've trained myself to read between the lines. I started noticing subtle things in her posts that stood out to me. I sensed a lot of pent up sexual tension and frustration. I initially shrugged it off thinking maybe I was wrong. Shortly afterwards I noticed a lot of guys were commenting on her posts. They had to have sensed the same thing I noticed right? I decided to act, I just had to know if I was getting the right signals from her. She had this picture in her albums of herself in a bikini. I posted a pretty bold comment saying "I'd hit it." Shortly afterwards she "liked" my comment on her picture. That had to be a good thing right?

Soon after I sent her an instant message. I was fishing for information, because I barely knew her. During our chat she mentioned that she always had a crush on me. I was flattered, to say the least, but I just played it cool. Our conversation was short because she had too go, so I didn't really have a chance to hit on her. I wasn't really sure how to handle this one. She was defiantly flirting with me, and I could tell she was sexually frustrated, but it's hard for me to read a woman over Facebook.

The next day I noticed she was online so I sent her an instant message. I made the boldest move I've ever made with a women. I just straight out asked her if she wanted to come over to my place and have sex. She replied with "lol" and a few minutes later she mentioned she couldn't tell if I was being serious or not. I told her I was serious, that she seemed like she needed to get laid, and that I thought I would be perfect for it. She laughed at my bold suggestion at first, but then she started pondering the idea of us having sex. She asked me if it would be good sex. I told her it would be phenomenal, no strings attached, no questions, no regrets. She mentioned something about how everyone would think of her as a slut. I laughed at that and said I'd be the only one who knew about it, and I'd never refer to her in such a manor. After a few more minutes of coaxing, I finally convinced her to come over for a drink, just so we could discuss it further, and if she decided against it, I'd be fine with it.

Crystal came over about an hour later. She wore a low cut blouse and some jeans. I knew just by looking at her, and the fact that she came over, that if I played my cards right, there was a strong chance of us sleeping together. She was extremely shy and nervous, so I poured us a both a drink. We sat on my couch, had a few drinks and chatted for a while. It wasn't long before I noticed she started loosing up. That's when I started flirting with her. I brought up the idea of us having sex, just to test the waters. She laughed at the idea and even blushed a little. She mentioned it probably wasn't going to happen. I told her I didn't have any expectations or demands of her, and she was free to do as she liked. She smiled at me and thanked me for understanding. I leaned in, very close to her, and whispered, "here's a little sample of what you're passing up," and I kissed her. I thought I was going to catch her off guard, but she kissed me back, as if she was anticipating it. I brushed my palm softly against her cheek, and kissed her very passionately. I made my way down her neck, kissing her along the way. When I got to her ear, I whispered, "that's too bad" and I pulled away from her. It was a short kiss, but it was filled with sexual tension. Judging from how she reacted when I kissed her, I knew I probably could have had her right there, but I decided to tease her a little. After I pulled away from her, I smiled in a cocky fashion, and offered to refresh her drink. For me it isn't always about getting sex, while I do enjoy the chase, many times I like to reverse the situation, and let the woman come after me. 

After a few more drinks and flirty conversation, I realized Crystal wasn't going to take the bait. We both knew the night was going to end with sex, but she hung on to her modesty, and never showed any clear signs that she wanted it just as much as I did. I was okay with that, but I always feel it's worth a shot, given the right circumstances. I stretched out, indicating I was bored, and I asked her what she wanted to do for the rest of the evening. She smiled and mentioned she was having fun just talking. I said "talking's fun, but we could just make out again instead" in a cocky manor. She laughed at the idea, but I leaned in to kiss her anyways. It was a long and passionate kiss this time, full of sexual tension. I started moving my hands up and down her body, letting them drag over her breasts when I got to them each pass. When she didn't stop my little intrusions, I got a little bolder and started gently squeezing and rubbing them. After some time I went to unhook her bra, and I quickly realized it didn't have a clasp in the back. I hate bra's that clasp in the front, as they tend to be a little more tedious. Often times I can unhook a bra without the woman even noticing, but when they clasp in the front, it's a lot more obvious what I'm going for. I let my fingers drag down her breasts, into her cleavage, and down to her bra clasp. I took me less that half a second to unhook it, probably the best I've ever done with a front clasp. It's kinda nice when you can still impress yourself. I slowly lifted her shirt up, and started fondling her now exposed breasts. She didn't show any signs of hesitation. After some time had passed, I moved my hand down and undid her jeans. As I reached my hand inside, she slightly parted her legs. I started slowly touching and rubbing her. She didn't try to stop me. Usually when I do this, girls start showing signs that I'm turning them on, such as moaning, increased breathing, arching their back, ect... Crystal, however, didn't show me any signs at all. She just laid there and kissed me. I figured I was maybe doing something wrong, so I increased my efforts. I tried just about every trick I could think of, and after nearly a half hour, I still didn't get any response from her. I had no idea what I was doing wrong, and I was starting to think maybe it was her. I started pondering the idea that she could only get off during sex, or not at all. Shortly afterwards, I whispered in her ear, "lets take this back to my bedroom" She looked up at me and nodded in agreement, so I led her to my room by the small of her back.

Inside my room it was very dark. I guided her to my bed and laid her down gently. We kissed for several more minutes, before I started removing her clothes, and my own. I thought maybe I could get her off, or at least arouse her, if I gave her some oral sex. That's something I rarely do, because I've never thought I was any good at it, but I thought maybe, since I already tried everything else, I'd give it a shot. I went down on her for about twenty minutes, and still got very little response from her. She would occasionally twitch her legs, and I did notice slightly elevated breathing, but that's about it. Afterwards I grabbed a condom off of my nightstand and put it on. I climbed on top of her and teased her for a bit before I slid myself inside of her. I started slowly and worked into a faster pace over time. It was terrible, she didn't moan, move her hips, or anything. I leaned down and whispered "does that feel good?" She said "yes." but I didn't believe her at the time. I started using my fail proof harder, deeper, faster, method, and even that got me hardly any response. After about a half hour, I finally gave up and finished. I rolled over onto my side, panting and wheezing. She really took it out of me. She just laid there and said that was the greatest sex she'd ever had. I replied "yea right I probably didn't even get you off." She said I did, eight times to be exact. I was very confused at that point, and asked when she had them. She told me two on the couch, one when I was going down on her, and the rest when I was inside of her. I was befuddled and I even accused her of lying, but she insisted it was the truth. I eventually believed her, as she really had no reason to lie to me. After a few more minutes of chatting, she decided it was time to go home and get some sleep.

A few days later, she sent me an instant message on Facebook. After a few minutes of chatting, I could tell she wanted more sex from me. She asked what I was doing for the evening, and I told her I had plans. I normally don't turn down a sure thing, but I really did have another date for that evening. Plus, she was terrible in bed. She just laid there, still and lifeless. Having sex with her was like trying to screw a futon. After a few more instant messages, she noticed I always seemed to have plans and eventually she stopped contacting me.

Two Hundred Followers

This is how I felt when I reached two hundred followers.

When I started this blog, just two months ago, I never thought so many people would be interested in what I had to say. Thank you all for your support.



I met Stacy at a very dark point in my life. I was incarcerated, for a theft related crime, and serving a one year sentence in a half way house. The half way house is an alternative to jail, although you can wear your own clothes and get a job, it's pretty much still jail. Also unlike most jails it's coed, however relations with other inmates are strictly forbidden. I was about nineteen years old at the time, and my sex drive was in it's prime, but it's hard to get any "action" in that kind of situation. I met Stacy about five months into my stay. I was assigned to do her orientation and give her a quick tour of the facility. Our initial conversation was pretty much strictly business. I could tell she was a little shy and somewhat afraid of the new environment, but that's to be expected of anyone. Despite the fact that she was a little older than me, I thought she was pretty cute, especially when compared to most of the other women there, whom were usually homely looking and unkempt.

A few days into her stay, Stacy started coming out of her shell, and socializing with other inmates. It's very hard to go it alone, and most people in that place, despite the fact that they're all criminals, are pretty friendly. I didn't really know her all that well at the time, but we would chat here and there as our paths crossed. From what I could tell of our short conversations, she was properly educated and well spoken, she wasn't covered in tattoos or piercings, there were no track marks or self inflicted scars on her arms, she didn't strike me as the type of person that belonged in there. She defiantly stood out from the other women in that place, and many of them men in there, including myself, found that to be very attractive.

One of the other male inmates took a liking to her, as he often did with most of the women in there. I never knew his name but everyone called him Whitey because he was so pale. He was very crude, and often made unwelcomed sexual remarks and gestures towards several of the women in there. I didn't know him personally, but I defiantly knew what kind of person he was. He's the type of guy you'd see in a club harassing women all night with cheesy pick up lines, unwanted groping, and crude sexual advances. He obviously had a shortcoming in his life that he over compensated for by being a douche bag. I didn't really like him because men like him always make men in general look bad. He was a classic, textbook definition, of a scumbag.

Over the course of the next few weeks Whitey relentlessly harassed Stacy. He did everything he could to get her in bed with him, and every crude advance he made, she rejected him. I think she had it worse than any of the other women in there, simple because she was prettier. After a while I started feeling bad for her because there wasn't anything she could do about it. If she told the staff members of the facility, that she was being sexually harassed, they wouldn't believe her unless she could prove it, and even if she could, Whitey would only receive a very mild punishment. Plus she would be labeled a "snitch" by all the other inmates, which is about the worse thing you could be in a place like that. Her only other choice was to try and defend herself either by using physical violence, or some other means.

Eventually, it started bothering me, so I decided to intervene in a very passive, non-threatening manor. I walked up too them and jokingly mentioned, "you'll never get your dick wet if you keep going for girls that don't want you." I said it loud enough so others could hear, but in a joking manor with a smile on my face. Since he didn't take it as a threat, it resulted in a positive outcome. He laughed in a cocky fashion and mentioned something about how all girls wanted him, but nonetheless I made him, as well as everyone else that heard me, aware of the fact that she wasn't interested in him, and he left her alone for the time being. After he wandered off, probably to go harass another girl, Stacy thanked me for scaring him away. I jokingly said "I only did that so I could hit on you. So... When you gonna let me get in those panties." She laughed knowing I was only joking & mocking Whitey, but, much to my surprise, she replied "If anyone in here had a shot them, it'd be you." That turned me on so much. After six months in the half way house, and six months in jail, I was pushing a full year without sex, and Stacy, despite her age, was looking very sexy. It was a hard comment to gauge, I didn't really know if she was flirting, or just joking. Either way she defiantly caught my attention.

The next day Stacy was getting on her bicycle, probably on her way to work, when Whitey walked over to her. He was making crude remarks as usual, something about wishing he was that bike seat. He then stood behind her, not allowing her to back out, and started groping her. That really offended me. Before he was just harassing a girl I barely knew, but now he was groping a girl I was potently interested in. That coupled with the fact that he didn't take me seriously the last time I told him she wasn't interested in him, it really pissed me off. Normally I'm very laid back and calm, but this needed to be handled, probably with violence. I walked over to him and grabbed his shoulder VERY firmly, and backed him off. While I did that I said "why don't you just leave her alone, having to listen to your fail attempts to get some booty all day is getting annoying." I really asserted my dominance by puffing out my chest, and standing at my full height, looking down on him as I spoke. This allowed Stacy to leave, she looked back and smiled at me as she pulled off, but now I had to deal with Whitey.

I went and sat down at a nearby table and lit up a smoke. Despite my obvious assertion of dominance, Whitey was fairly level headed at first. He knew he couldn't pick a fight right there because there were staff members near by, and if it went down, we'd both end up back in jail. I think it was more of a shock to him that someone like me, a very mild manored person, would use such a strong force to negate the situation. He went and sat with his friends at a nearby table and started fuming. He purposefully said things at a volume so I could overhear. Things like "man that guys a little cock block bitch," or "everyone watch out for captain save-a-ho." I just ignored him, I wasn't really looking for a fight and I figured he'd cool down eventually. After a few more minutes he walked over to me and started talking shit. It was pretty typical stuff, most of it I just blew off, but eventually he touched my shoulder to grab my attention, and mentioned I disrespected him. That's when I got pissed. Respect is everything in jail or the halfway house. I stood up, using my superior height to tower over him, and I said "you don't know shit about respect. If you had any respect you'd leave that bitch alone after she told you to fuck off the first time. If you had any respect I wouldn't have to listen to your fucked up attempts to get your little dick wet every single day. You've disrespected every bitch in here, with your failed ass attempts to get laid, and after a while, having to listen to that shit gets fucking old." I knew we were going to end up fighting after that, but we weren't in a good place to do it. After his failed attempts to rebuttle he got frustrated and shoved me. I told him "maybe we should handle this upstairs in the mens room, like men." (the mens room was a large locker style bathroom with out cameras. Staff members rarely went in there, and many fights happened there) After I said that he looked around and noticed the staff members just inside the window. He knew we needed to settle our dispute elsewhere.

While we walked upstairs, with a few onlookers that overheard our dispute, I thought about how the fight would go down. I was 6'6" maybe 200 lbs and in great shape. I took three years of wrestling in high school and I knew how to use my weight to my advantage. He was about 5'9" and maybe 165lbs, also in very good shape. I knew I could take him but I had no idea what his fighting capabilities were. It had been years since I had been in a real fight, and Whitey seemed pretty tough. That was a little intimidating, but you gotta do whacha gotta do.

After a short walk we arrived upstairs in the mens room. We had about four people that followed us to watch the fight. After a few minutes of Whitey talking shit, I started to get impatient. I got in his face and told him to throw a punch or shut the fuck up. He didn't, instead he just kept talking shit and said if he hit me I'd just go snitch on him. I used that statement to my advantage. I said "I'm not a fucking snitch, I wouldn't have came all the way up here if that were the case, just quit being a little bitch and throw a punch." He still did't hit me and stuck to his argument that I would just rat him out after he threw a punch. At one point I started taunting him, I said things like "why the fuck did you drag me all the way up here just to talk shit, we could have done that shit downstairs" or "quit being a little bitch and throw a punch already." He still stuck to his argument of me being a snitch. At one point one of the onlookers said "quit sucking each others dicks and throw a punch already." I used that to my advantage to get the crowd on my side. I sad things like "why the fuck did you drag us all up here for nothing" and "sorry guys, looks like the shows canceled because bitch boy wont throw a punch." I knew even if the fight didn't happen, if I could get the crowd on my side, I would still come out the victor. After a few more minutes of our heated debate, I mentioned how this was a waste of every ones time and turned around to head for the exit. That's when he attacked me.

He lunged at me from behind, grabbing me around my waist and pushing his head into my back. I fell forward smashing my mid section into a steel sink. The fall knocked us both off balance and we ended up on the floor. It took me a second to process what had happened, but I quickly kicked in my wrestling training and rolled over and got him in a head lock. He smashed his head back into my face and busted my lip. That pissed me off even more and I started to squeeze even harder. I knew if I could choke him out I'd win the fight. After a few seconds he managed to slip his chin underneath my forearm and bit me, forcing me to release him. He tried to regain his footing as he turned around but he slipped on the wet ceramic floor, and landed on top of me. We wrestled around for a while, trying to gain the upper hand on one another, and somehow we ended up in the shower area. He was surprisingly strong and I struggled shifting my weight trying to pin him down. Eventually I ended up on top of his chest, pinning his arms down with my knees. I started throwing punches into his face, while he was unable to defend it. He rolled his face onto it's side, as that was his only defensible option, and I continued hitting him with my dominant hand, landing all of my blows on the left side of his face. After about nine or ten punches, he stopped trying to struggle, and his body went limp. I knew I knocked him out so I stopped, and struggled to catch my breath and regain my footing. One of the onlookers came and helped my too my feet, and mentioned that he'd probably had enough. I nodded in agreement. When I gained my footing I looked down at Whitey to assess the damage that was done.

Whitey was still breathing, but unconcious, covered in blood, and laying partly in one of the showers with only his legs and feet sticking out. I turned on the shower to it's cold setting, to help clean him up, thinking maybe that'll help him cool off. I went to have a look at myself the mirror, to assess any damage he did to me. My shirt, hands and fore arms were covered in blood, none of it was mine. I could taste blood in my mouth form where he had headbutted me, but it didn't seem severe. My fore arm was sore from where he had bit me, but that didn't hurt so much either. My knuckles were very sore and starting to swell but they weren't bleeding. What hurt me the most was the initial fall I took into the sink. I didn't know it at the time, but that fall into the sink ended up fracturing two ribs on my right side. I cleaned myself up in the sink and used the clean backside of my shirt to dry off. I tossed my shirt in the trash to help get rid of any evidence linking me to the fight. As I walked out of the bathroom I looked back at the onlookers and said "you guys didn't see nothing here right?" They all nodded in agreement, and one guy even responded, "I didn't see shit."

I went into my room, which was only a few feet away from the bathroom, to grab a clean shirt. After I was all set, I headed downstairs and outside to have a smoke. I was followed by a few of the onlookers, they were mostly talking me up, and mentioning highlights of the fight. One guy even mentioned "man I can't believe that little bitch bit you, we should start calling him Bitey instead of Whitey." I laughed at that. Little did I know at the time that name would stick with him for the next several months. I told people to keep it on the down low, because I didn't want everyone to know what happened. The wrong information in the wrong hands would end me up in jail. Shortly after I finished my smoke a staff member came outside and informed us that we were on a facility lockdown. (which means we have to go to our rooms until they say we can come out) I knew they had found Whitey and that's what this was all about, but I just played dumb and went along with it. I went upstairs to my room and noticed several staff members guarding the door to the bathroom. A few minutes after I was in my room I noticed an ambulance pulled up on the side of the building. I could barely see it but I knew why it was there, and I knew I was probably going to be in deep shit.

After a few minutes they rolled Whitey out on a gurney. They weren't moving at a rushed pace which had to be a good sign right? After they left the staff members lifted the lockdown, and lined us all up outside. They started inspecting people at one end of the row asking them to show their hands. I knew they were looking for abrasions on peoples knuckles, or any other indications that they had been in a fight. I glanced down at my knuckles to double check, but other than some minor swelling and a little soreness, they appeared to be okay. When they got to me I held up my hands but I made fists to hide the swelling. I kept my forearms facing down to hide the bite mark, and I bit my lip to hide the swelling. It was one of the most paranoid feelings I'd ever had in my life. If they had found ANY indication that I was somehow involved, I would have ended up in jail facing possible assault charges. They cleared me after a quick look, which was extremely relieving. after that was all over I sat down at a nearby table and lit up a smoke. One of the head directors came outside and yelled, "If anybody knows anything about what happened, let us know. We might even throw in a few positive SIR's." (positive SIR's were like little rewards for extra free time or snacks and such.) I glanced over at the few onlookers and they all threw me a reassuring nod. I knew none of them would rat me out, and I also knew once Whitey woke up he had no choice but to keep his mouth shut. (pun intended & explained later)

After I finished my cigarette, I headed upstairs to my room to lie down. The pain in my ribs was starting to become overwhelming whenever I moved, so I figured a little rest would help. After a few hours laying there in my bed, I fell asleep. One of my friends came in my room and woke me up. He mentioned Stacy was back and looking for me. I went to get up but when I moved, the pain in my ribs was excruciating, and I collapsed. He saw I was in pain and offered to help, but I didn't want to move again. It was just too much pain for me to bare. I told him to tell her I was asleep, and he nodded and left. Shortly after Stacy came upstairs into me room. Women were not allowed to be in the upstairs area, it was for men only. It was a very strict rule and if she got caught in my room we'd both be in so much trouble. I reminded her of that rule and she said she didn't care. She mentioned that she'd heard about the fight. That didn't come as a surprise, I'm sure the gossip spread like wildfire while I was resting. She came and sat down beside me on my bed and I flinched at the sudden movement. She noticed even though I tried my hardest to hide it. She asked if I was hurt and I told her it was fine. She saw through my lie and lifted up my shirt. She saw my ribs and by that time they were heavily bruised. She ran her fingers over them and took note of when I flinched. I didn't know this at the time but Stacy was a registered nurse. She smiled and said "well tough guy it looks like you fractured your 5th and 6th ribs." I smiled and said "you should have seen the other guy." She smiled and said she already did. She informed me that he went to the hospital where she was working, and she happened to be working in the ER that afternoon. I asked if he was okay and she said he would be fine. It turns out he needed thirteen stitches to reattach his lower earlobe and he was in surgery having his mouth wired shut because I broke his lower jaw right where it meets the joint. They also needed to fix his fractured eye socket, and remove two of his rear molars I knocked out. I was relieved to know he was going to be alright, but a little frightened at my own strength, knowing how much damage I did in such a short amount of time. She got very serious for a minute and told me that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. I assured her she was just overly romanticizing the situation, and how it really wasn't even a big deal. I went on to tell her how it was more for my benefit that hers. That guy was a douchebag and he needed to be taught a lesson. She responded by telling me regardless of what my intentions were, I still came to her aid in her time of need.

She leaned down and kissed me on my forehead, to thank me for my inadvertent good deed. When she pulled her head away we locked eyes and I felt a strong sense of sexual tension. I moved my hand up to her cheek and brushed it softly with the back of my fingers. She leaned back down and kissed me. It was a very passionate kiss, filled with pent up sexual tension. After a few minutes of our steamy kiss I moved my hand down from her face and started exploring her body. When I got to her chest, she smiled and leaned back. I tried to lean forward to continue our kiss but the pain stopped me. She put her hand firmly on my chest and said "you just lie back and let me do this" She took her top of and teased me while she undid her bra. Her breasts were firm and perky for a woman of her age. I didn't know how old she was at the time, but later I learned she was forty nine. She even had a daughter that was a few years older than I was. Anyways she leaned back down, momentarily pressing her chest in my face before she moved down and kissed me. I was very turned on. She started making her was down my body, kissing me all along the way. When she got to my pants she undid them and, after teasing me a little more, she slid my manhood into her mouth. She was very talented at that particular skill. After a few minutes I warned her that she was going to make me cum. She stopped momentary and told me that would be fine, and then she continued. That was a real turn on and soon after I came. Much to my surprise she swallowed it and looked up at me and smiled with a sense of self satisfaction.. It was at that time we heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Stacy panicked and rolled off the bed sliding underneath it. SHE TOOK THE BLANKET WITH HER! I managed to pull my shirt back down covering my bruised ribs, but as I was pulling my pants up my door popped open. It was a female staff member doing a routine check, and there I was lying on my bed with my pants pulled down, and my member at full attention. I couldn't help but smile at her and say "Oh it's exactly what it looks like." She looked down, noticed my unit, smiled, and said, "carry on." She blushed as she closed my door and continued her rounds. Luckily for me, she didn't notice Stacy and there were no rules against masturbation. That was defiantly the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life.

The next day Whitey got out of the hospital. His jaw was wired shut, and his eye was swollen shut. The director of the half way house pulled him into the office, and questioned him. Whitey made up some phony story about how he slipped and fell in the bathroom. He really had no choice but to say that. If he would have ratted me out, we both would have ended up in jail. We both would have gotten assault charges and I would have probably gotten stuck with his massive medical bill. Plus he would have been labeled as a snitch. If he stuck with his slip and fall story, no one would have gotten in trouble and the half way house would have had to cover his medical expenses. Luckily for us both he knew what the obvious choice was, and chose wisely. He stuck to himself for the next several weeks, as most of his former friends started teasing him and calling him Bitey. We made sure not to cross each others paths for the remainder of our stay and he never harassed Stacy again.

Stacy and I continued our little fling for several months, keeping it a secret from everyone. We found this rarely used stairway in the facility and had sex in there about three or four times a day. It was so much hotter knowing that we could both be caught at any time and probably end up in jail for it. The risk factor was a huge turn on for both of us. I eventually found out how old she really was and when I didn't believe he she introduced me to her daughter. Her daughter was three years older than me and she even had a child of her own. It was weird for me to know I was shacking up with a grandmother, but honestly, it turned me on even more. We both knew from the start that our "jail house fling" wasn't going anywhere, and shortly after she was released, we lost contact.

The Love Letter.

A letter written by Sullivan Ballou, a soldier who gave his life during the American Civil War. Since then it has become one of the most iconic love letters ever written throughout the course of history.

July the 14th, 1861 Washington D.C.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure—and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows—when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children—is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar—that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the brightest day and in the darkest night—amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours—always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.


Sullivan died about a two weeks after he wrote that letter. After he died, his personal effects, including the letter that was never mailed, were delivered to Sarah. The power of the letter was recognized even then, and several handwritten copies were made. Many of those copies even exist today, with slight variations from one to the other. The letter also appeared in publications shortly after the war. The location of the original letter is unknown, but rumored to have been buried along with his wife Sarah.

Just about every guy has written a love letter at one point or another. But this one truly stands out.